Morbid
by OtakuIsLove
Summary: How could Rima handle Shiki's upcoming death? worse , how could they handle it together? make the most out of the remaining? perhaps. but what if Shiki's death isn't really HIS true death? somewhat OOC. bear with me , happy birthday alice!


**Hello , it happens to be aliceXinXwonderXland 's birthday YESTERDAY , may 2. okay so she asked me for a one-shot but I didn't have the time to post it in here since everything's really crazy right now (for me). anyhow , here it is. This one-shot is dedicated to her , and happy birthday!**

Morbid

It was a frigid autumn night. I hated how I would shiver , I hated how the snow crunched beneath my shoes. But I didn't mind the puffy white smoke everytime I exhale in my mouth. It was kind of funny. Winter always make me feel like an eskimo , with all those thick parkas and snow boots. One thing that's nice about snow , is that it's cold , and you get to open your fire place and drink hot chocolate late in the evenings with Senri. But I knew it wasn't the time to think about what I liked and hated about winter.

I had slowly made my way up to the Academy's grounds , my heart pounding a little from the cold. Tonight , I had planned on visiting my best friend. There was a part of me that doesn't really want to because I was afraid of what I might know. But I had to , after all , I had always cared for him and I was not a scrooge person.

It took me three knocks before he opened the door.

"Rima." His stoic face brightened up , only a fraction.

"Hey , Senri." I gave a nod.

The beer bottles were clustered untidily on his mahogany table. Beside it was an opened box of cigarette , and then a pocky.

I sat down across from him.

"So." I started.

"So what?" asked Senri.

"How have you been? The doctors didn't say much. but they said you were in a complex state. They didn't want visitors visiting you for a week." A small dent appeared on my eyebrows. "But I had always wanted to give you the flowers. The nurse said she gave it to you, did she?"

"Yes." he replied. "I had kept it on a vase , thanks for that."

"good." I relaxed at his reply. "You didn't answer my question."

"which one?"

"How are you? how are you _really_?"

He averted my gaze , pretended that he was concentrating on something vitally important behind me.

"I'm fine. I don't feel like my old powerful self , but standing here have to be an improvement than being superglued to bed." he replied. "Keeping up on school work I believe?"

"Yes. Would you want me to fetch you the homework the Professors gave? you could copy mine." I offered.

"No. I could do it later.." He had stood up , seized a cigarette and lit it.

I inhaled a sharp breathe. "I thought you were sick but here you are , smoking like you weren't on bed for a week."

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"It does, don't be a prick Senri. smoking is bad for you , stop smoking." I had also stood up and tried to grab the killer from his mouth.

He dodged away and gave me a long searching look.

"I only have two months left."

I halted , my mouth begging to shower out the quips I would have wanted to shot at him. "what?" I managed.

"I said , that I have two months left." He puffed pompously. "I'm sick."

My eyes widened , it had taken me five full heart beats before I managed to ram it in my brain. That Senri , my bestfriend , was dying. and fast. I stood there , my mouth gaping then closing I didn't know when I'd be able to stop that absurd process , but I didn't quite care.

My fists clenched tightly in my palm. Too tightly in fact - that my nails pierced my palm and it bore marks.

"Take that back" I snapped.

"No" his face was amused. "It's the truth. Better say the truth and live in the world of verity than dwell in lies. If you lie, Rima , you rob youself away from the truth."

My feet was planted on his carpet. I listened to him coldly. And he even had the nerve to smile at this - at his death.

He poured an immense amount of booze on a glass , shaking it , then a clinking sound of ice ensued.

"That's what you always do right Senri? when there's something that's about to happen , you drink beer , smoke and shrug? you dumbass of a cretin." I spat. fighting ferociously the tears that I was sure to come.

"You don't have to be so lonely about it Rima. I'm sure the world wouldn't even have the chance to miss me." He took a long sip from his glass.

I punched it away from him. The bronze liquid spilled , while the glass broke into a thousand tiny pieces on the floor and I was contented at the noise it made,the startling clunk.

"You don't know _anything_ about being lonely. Think of us seeing you on a - a grave. you , on a fucking grave!" My voice became shrill. "If you're just going to jump around and be happy , doing nothing about your death I'll make sure I'd be kicking your casket until my leg turns purple!"

He slowly exhaled. "I can't stop death Rima." then : "People die. It's going to happen to me , then to everyone else. It's a cycle , that's life. that's death. I'm not God to frigging stop that,dammit."

"Then make an effort to make two months really special then." I screamed. yes,screamed it into his face whole. I didn't care if the entire Cross Academy woke up. I wanted to prove a point. He was too valuable to loose. Why did it have to be him?

That was when I was really looking at him , absorbing his features and panicking at the aweful sight in front of me. He was pale. a strange ivory-yellow,tainted his skin. Then his eyes were darker , a shadow looming under his lids. It was somber , the once scintillating azure was now an empty cold grey. I could hear that his breathing patterns weren't the usual comfortable breaths. It was difficult like he was trying hard just to get a deep breath. I pitied my friend.

"You are going to live." I promised him, my eyes closed. "You are going to fucking live."

"If that's what you want to believe in , then please do." replied Senri. "But meanwhile , I'm going to make the most out of my death. starting now."

I hadn't had the chance to reply because in an instant his dorm room swirled around me, then the next thing I knew, I was gripped by him.

Senri was hugging me so tightly , my lungs were in danger. I did the only sensible thing that I can: I hugged him back with all the might that I could muster.

**OOO**

Mom once said that crying was a good thing. She had cried when Dad died. and I had been there,comforting her and myself that everything was going to be fine. that Dad was still watching over us, somewhere above. Mom said that it was good to let out our emotions flood out. It helps us think and ponder more about the matter if all those disturbing feeling get out of the way.

But no matter how rational Mom sounded , I know that I shouldn't let Senri see my tears. He deserve happiness on his last months. Not the mournings of his friend. I know that he wanted to see all of us smile and laugh with him. I know that he wanted to make every second special. And I'm not going to waste any second letting him see me cry. I know that he's just going to call me shithead anyway. Yes , I had to be careful not to weep in front of him. I'd reserve all my stifled tears during night time , when I'm safe on my bed.

"Master Kaname" I bowed.

"Ah,Rima-san. what might you need?" asked Kaname. "please sit"

So I sat.

"What do I owe this visit Rima? problems with pocky supply?" he asked again.

I wonder if he knew. so I asked him. "Master .. have you heard about Senri? about his health conditions I mean."

He raised a perplexed eyebrow. "You mean his upcoming death?"

How could he be so calm as to raise an eyebrow to that! " y - yes." I had flinched.

Master Kaname sat up straighter on his chair. "Everyone knows about it Rima." he squeezed my hand. "Senri asked us not to tell you for a week, he said he'd tell you himself. well I guess he did." Master Kaname must've seen my bloodshot eyes.

I sighed.

"What's wrong with him? Why is he suddenly sick? He looks so.. so - frail."

"Yes he is. I won't be speaking too much about technicalities but one thing I knew is that he has tuberculosis and cancer which had spread out through his entire body. He coughs blood. Internal bleeding those doctors said. And he happened to be in a lot of stress from his modeling career." Kaname frowned. "very sad indeed."

I couldn't bear to hear anymore. "I - is there a way to make him well again?" I shouldn't have asked. because I knew what Master would say. it would only make matters worse.

"nothing I know of can help him , even for a vampire."

I inhaled.

"But there isn't anything possible now. Unless of course , you could give him a very memorable two months then I'm sure he'd be taking all those memories with him. in the after life."

"does he need to have a donor? he needs blood perhaps? or a body part. anything Master. I could donate. please just tell me there's hope!"

He stared at me sadly. "The only thing I could do to help _you_ Rima is mourn. But you could do a lot more than mourning. are you or are you not his best friend?"

"I - i am" I croaked.

"Then be his best friend until the very end." He gave a curt nod to indicate that our conversation was over.

I had been rooted on my chair for a while until I scrambled up , gave a deep bow and left.

**OOO**

Maybe if I asked God if I could die too , he'd give it to me. I think that I have the classifications to pass away now. Life was slowly slipping away from me and when it would , what will I have left? none. Only the sheer agony of loss would remain.

"Planning to kill yourself,are you?"

Of course. I knew he'd follow me.

"You shouldn't be climbing roofs like me." I murmured.

Funny how he knew where to find me. On this sun burnt roof of Cross ;

"I could read you like an open book." replied Senri.

"Can you really?"

He sat beside me , too closely. But I didn't mind. He had abandoned my question and I didn't mind that either.

"why don't you take the therapy the doctors offered you? don't act all tough Senri. everyone needs someone."

"Therapy" he snorted. "is shit. It would lengthen my time , yes. But it does absolutely nothing. I'd die anyway. Like old men die."

"Then take it anyway. you don't have to be all gloom and doom. I still want to see you for a longer time." My heart swelled with sadness. And I stiffled my tears once again.

"It wouldn't change anything." replied Senri. then he coughed , he wiped his mouth quickly but I saw that his sleeves were stained red.

blood.

It threw me off my racker for a minute. What would you feel if you see someone you love wiping blood from their mouth? You just don't go around saying.. _"oh,internal bleeding huh? do we have to put band-aid inside of you everyday?" _No,silly.

You could die too , but in my case , I'd die in agony. I didn't want to see him suffer. If only I could do anything - anything at all. I'd do it. even if it would cost my life.

"Senri." I started. "please."

He gave another violent cough which resulted into more blood spitting. I couldn't look anymore. "Senri .." I was in pain with him.

"Woah." he raised his palm in my face. "Calm down pocky girl. I'm fine." He gave me a lopsided smile.

"No." My voice trembled. I couldn't take it anymore. him , and his tough guy act. I could comprehend how much he had really suffered.

He gave a troubled sigh and placed a hand across my shoulders. "I know that you are about to cry. and I know how much you hated me seeing you cry. But don't be dumb Rima. no one could stop the tears unless you cry. take it all out. I'm here , with you."

So I cried. The greatest cry I had ever shed. while he was there with me , clutching my small slumped shoulders tightly. And for the first time , I was a little glad that he was there , even when he was dying. I had never felt my heart weigh any lighter than now.

us , alone on a roof , clutching each other like the world would break any second.

"I want to die with you." I murmured.

"If you'll die , then I'd be in total oblivion." replied my best friend.

"why?"

"why?" he repeated. "goodness , didn't you know Rima? half of my soul is with you. If I die , a part of me continues to live because you're alive. when you die , I'm a goner. and so are you."

another hopeful word. I realized that was why Senri and I became friends. Our relationship was more than kin. He lives in me and I in him. we were whole because we had each other. it was like the fish , needing the sea , the humans needing air. I , needing him.

"Senri"

"what?"

"If I tell you I love you what will you say?"

my best friend smiled the brightest smile I ever saw him wear in his entire life. "I love you too."

**OOO**

About a month later , I was in his hospital room , on a small stool beside his bed. Holding his hand while he was struck with an IV. There wasn't any day that I didn't cry. I was sick of crying but crying wasn't sick of me. The slow,silent tears flowed freely from my face as I watched him flinch in pain from the needle.

"Senri.." I started in a small voice. "you're going to live."

His eyes twitched to look at me. And I can see the agony in them. It tortured my soul. I couldn't fathom the feelings that built up inside me. I wanted to flee from the room and jump off a building. slit my wrist. and when I die, I'll be waiting for him. But I was stuck. On the intoxicating smell of the hospital , my hand glued to his frail, pallid fingers. It was cold. there was no warmth left.

"Come here."

I did as instructed. He raised his hand , the free one and placed it at the back of my head. Then he pulled my head closer until the only thing I saw were his grey eyes.

"Rima." his voice was hoarse. almost a whisper. "I told you I won't die. I'm in you." then he guided me so that I was sort off sitting in his bed. and with my help , I lied down beside him , curling into a ball.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the trembling air. "Senri , please." I drawled.

His lips pressed gently on my forehead. "I love you" then it traveled , down on mine. imprisoning me with his lips. I had complied , I gave the kiss a chance. He was a dying man and making him more somber was the least I ever wanted. He crushed my mouth a little more firmly than I know he could. He tasted warm. so much different from his temperature.I also tasted some salt. I realized it was mine. I would bring this memory to my grave.

He broke away and wiped my eyes. "For you , a thousand times over."

I exhaled.

"No more crying Rima. I don't want to see tears." He tried to sound firm.

I gave a nod and excused myself from the room.

**OOO**

_The last will and Testament of Senri Shiki , son of Rido Kuran._

"It is his wish to give you his mansion , his properties , his money." The lawyer spoke.

"I don't want those things. seeing Senri alive is what I want."

"That is written here very clearly Ms. Touya . if you won't take it , It would go to waste."

Senri had given me his mansion , pretty much everything. But that has no value for me no matter how much of his wealth he had given. If he could give himself to me then I'd accept it with wide arms.

"You have to sign this and the contract will be a success."

I stayed there all afternoon at the lawyer's office. Pondering about the right thing. I know it wasn't correct to accept it all. I wouldn't accept it. I don't need those earthly things. It made it more painful.

"Ms. Touya. this is his wish. please grant the dying man's wish."

The words struck me. I responded to that with a glare. "He's not going to die." I argued.

I sounded like a stupid wimp.

He gave a grave nod , unconvinced. "I hope so too."

I left his office with the contract a success.

For the dying man's wish.

**OOO**

"Everything hurts." He had mumbled.

"I'm suffering with you. I know you can do it." I mumbled back.

"I guess this really is the day.. " he smirked a little. His cheeks were shallow. Only the bones supported his skin.

"Stop that Seri." I held his hand tighter. "You're going to live."

He shook his head. "That is impossible."

"I thought you lived in me?" I demanded sharply.

"Yes. But I wouldn't be able to see you anymore. I'll miss you.." He gave a violent cough.

"I - I'll miss you too.." My voice broke into trembling sobs.

"Shh.." he croaked. "no more crying I said."

"I know." I hiccuped.

Ruka and Kain came in with a doctor.

"How is he?" Ruka asked , patting my shoulders.

"Not good." I replied.

"Ms. Touya , please can I talk to you?" The doctor piped in. looking grave.

I followed him outside the hospital room.

"Ms. Touya , I'd like to tell you that he's as good as dead."

"NO!" I yelled at him.

"We - we have no choice but put him to sleep.." He sighed a troubled one. "And .. he may never wake up again."

"No , please no. don't!" If I could sink in my knees , I would have. My body shook , trembling so violently. "Don't do this to me - to him."

"Would you want him to be in so much pain?" asked the doctor. "He is suffering. and the only thing we could do is put him to sleep. That is a rational option. He feels the pain everywhere , I'm surprised that he still talks to anyone."

Will I agree? I didn't want to see him suffer anymore. Looking at me with tortured eyes. But I didn't want to see him die either. What will I do? God , please!

"I - I.. I shall say goodbye.." It was barely a whisper.

The doctor nodded and led us back inside.

"S - senri.." I choked back my tears.

"Rima.." He gave a barely-there smile.

"I .. You'll be put into a very deep sleep. It will ease the pain." I caressed his forehead. "I want you to sleep."

He nodded. "And when I wake up , I want to see you with a brilliant smile okay?"

At that very moment , I wanted to tear myself apart. If only he knew he won't be waking up anymore.. "I love you." I murmured.

"I love you too." He mumbled. "A thousand times over."

Then he closed his eyes and the doctor pricked the IV.

That was when I was totally ruined. I became a little faint. My crying was very embarassing. It was loud , and shrill. But Ruka was on my arm and Kain holding my hand. I couldn't take to look at Senri. Closing his eyes a peaceful look on his face.

"Goodbye Senri." I muttered.

**OOO**

Dying was like taking a rest from a very long day ; at least that was what philosphic people said. Did it really? I couldn't agree to that. I think that dying was seeing someone you love pass away. It was exruciating. I could die from the pain.

I stayed at his room , curled on a small sofa , my tears still very visible. Ruka and Kain had left. telling me it was over. I had snapped at them and told them he was going to live. But even I knew I was lying. They left me and told me I should too. But I didn't.

_goodness , didn't you know Rima? half of my soul is with you. If I die , a part of me continues to live because you're alive. when you die , I'm a goner. and so are you_

Senri? is he inside me? or was that some preposterous talk to calm me down? I believe both.

The doctor came in. "Ms. Touya.." I knew they were going to take his dead body away.

"Can you.. please. for a few more minutes." I managed in between sobs.

He nodded and left again.

I took a small step towards the corpse. gripping his hand so tightly.

"Senri!" I yelled in his ear. "Please don't leave me! tell me you love me!"

I was shivering. "SENRI SHIKI!"

I recoiled as soon as I felt something. My breathing hitched. and I blinked.

Senri Shiki's hand twitched. once , twice , and a third time.

I had felt hope. "You're going to fucking live." I mumbled.

He did the least thing I had expected. He opened his eyes and stared back at me with the brightest smile I had never seen him wear.

A/N: Who can guess why the 'sleeping needle' didn't have the death effect on him? ;) I hope this one-shot had moved you like it moved me. Please review (:

clearly this thing needs a sequel. ;)


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